Mom avoided people seeing her cry at any cost. Most of the time she would rock herself to sleep through silent cries. She had no one but me, and what did I do for her? I loved her with all of my heart and tried to be a good kid-always cleaning up and never complaining about my torn blanket or clothes that I’ve outgrown. So beyond showing her love, I felt helpless when she arrived home crying.
Bruises covered her entire arm. Immediately the internal alarms that every female innately has shook my insides. I was as far from a mother as Jerry, the stupid 7-year-old kid down the hall whose always pulling the fire alarm just for kicks, but the protective motherly instincts that I did have sprung out. I sat my mom down on the couch and stoked her dark hair as the tears flooded her eyes.
Mom blamed the fresh bruises on the numerous ice patches left over from the snowstorm. She claimed that she slipped on her way home from her job at the diner, but as soon as this left her quivering lips, I knew it just wasn’t the truth. But for her sake, I pretended to believe her. I had some different explanations in mind.
After my mom calmed down a little more, I grabbed my jacket and marched out of the apartment with my anger boiling. No one would treat mom like this. NO ONE. I thought this problem was over after Mom kicked dad out, but I was wrong. And I had to stop this now. My deep suspicion of the real source of those bruises propelled me down the stairs, through the doors, and across the street. But wait, it might be too late at night. I asked a woman passing. Her sweater smelled strongly of smoke and spilled beer, but she had a watch on. However when she couldn’t give me the time cause her watch was broken, I decided to turn back around and head back home. After all I had no real plan. What was I, a small little girl, gonna really be able to do. Who was I kidding? I couldn’t do anything about this by myself. I needed a plan. I had made a promise to myself that I would never let anyone treat mom like my father did, and I sure was going to live up to this promise. I just needed a plan...
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"Running those 3 blocks from the local pharmacy back home to Jupiter Apartments was like going to the bathroom in the middle of the night- a routine so familiar, I could walk it half asleep."
ReplyDeleteI really liked this passage-the sensory details you used makes the reader feel as if they are there experiencing the run home with the character.
I am a little bit confused about the age of the girl...being a bit more specific about that may help with her development and interaction with the other characters.
Overall, I really liked the way she has been interacting with the other characters in the town. It keeps the girl a bit mysterious.
"Mom blamed the fresh bruises on the numerous ice patches left over from the snowstorm. She claimed that she slipped on her way home from her job at the diner, but as soon as this left her quivering lips, I knew it just wasn’t the truth."
ReplyDeleteThis passage was especially moving for me as a reader because I could just imagine the situation occurring realistically.
I couldn't get a feel for the girl's age but I figured she was around 12, so try to develop the character a little more but overall I really like the plot line.